Life Happens

In the summers of late 1980’s the first born boy of a well know north Indian Brahmin family got hitched to a beautiful first born girl of another well-known Brahmin Family. Summer was on its peak and so was their love and then after 9 months Life Happened and yours truly came into this world J

From childhood, I have been trained that I need to take the legacy of the first born to next level and show all the younger ones how to lead life. Not just my own siblings, my first cousins, my second, third, fourth cousins, my neighborhood kids, I was supposed to be the role model for everyone. 4 year old kid and so much pressure to perform, I became a perfect obedient child any parent would want. But that also made me an introvert. Or should I say I had split personality disorder, because I was a super fun child in school but very serious and studious kid at home. I was doing good in studies and well in co-curricular activities, teacher’s pet and a perfect role model, life was going fine for everyone until my parents decide to add some spice in my life.

They made me, the not so sporty girl to go in NCC (National Cadet Core), and like the obedient girl I was, I joined it for them. First time I stayed away from home for a week. Homesick and socked as we used to sleep on floor and bath inside a tent in a jungle, I was counting days to go back home. And on the final day, I came to know that this camp was the selection camp for basic leadership camp and I am selected for next camp which means I must live here for 10 more days.  My uncle who used to live in that same city was there to meet me, I was crying to go back home and hence he called my mom. She heard me out and asked me to give the phone to my uncle and told him, make sure she stays there and does not run back home. I was stunned, did my parents disowned me? Will I always live in this jungle?

Now I had only one way to survive, I must like what is there in front of me, accept it and move on. Therefore, I gave my 100% in those 10 days in all the assignments and activities we got to do. I tried to make friends so that my stay becomes comfortable. Soon I stared to like this whole thing and an introvert started to open-up. Next year I took part in republic day camp and represented my state in national. Won the nationals in rifle shooting and 1^st runner up in best cadet nationwide. It was indeed a very proud moment for me and my family when I got to shake hands with our then prime minister Mr. Atal Bihari Bajpai. I returned home after 2 months as a very confident teenager, and that’s where life happened.

However, soon after that I had my boards and being the first born I had to do very well there, you see role model. And as an obedient kid from middle class Indian family, I went for engineering and became one J

Years flew, campus was done, I had a job offer in my hand, but patents decided to give a new twist in the tale. They wanted me to stay back home and look for some opportunity in my hometown, as they were worried how I will live alone in a big city. And I was shocked, are they not the same people who made sure I don’t come back home from that jungle. But I decided to do things my way this time and came to Bangalore. And life happened when parents saw me not just surviving in a new city alone but also living happily and doing well at work.

Years passed and now parents had an-other thing in their “TO DO list” which they were eager to tick out and hence started looking for alliance for me. In the search of same I met this snooty guy whom I hated in beginning and later fell for. Yes, life happened again to me in the most unexpected way and time.

By nature, Indians are very caring people. We care about what’s happening in other’s life more than what’s going on in our own. Hence now it was time for me to prove to the society that my reproductive system is working fine. On first day of my maternity break I was feeling so bored, I though let me go to a parlor and waste my hared earned money. Due date was still 15 days away but as expected, life happens to me when I expect it the least. I was rushed from a massage room to the labor room. And the most beautiful part of my life I lived that day amid all the madness which was going around.

Even now after all these years, the pressure of being the role model and perfect first born is still there. But the intensity has reduced over time. Now whenever I get to talk to my younger cousins, or colleagues and friends. I tell them that don’t be like anyone else, just be what you are. because you cannot control life you can only live life. And the most magical moments of your life will happen when you expect it the least. Moments which will change your perspective and thinking and make you a better and happier version of yourself. So you just keep living and let the life happen!

PS: This write-up was my Ice breaker speech in Toastmasters 

Perfect Weekend

55 Fiction is a form of micro fiction that refers to the works of fiction limited to a maximum of fifty-five words.

 

“Movie, shopping, and dinner at our favorite restaurant, that will be our perfect weekend” She though on the way home.

On dinner table he said “Its long time I had fish and rice, why don’t you make it over the weekend. Home cooked food and video game what more is required for a perfect weekend.”

Match

55 Fiction is a form of micro fiction that refers to the works of fiction limited to a maximum of fifty-five words.

She checked herself in full length mirror, she was dressed to kill. Her happiness had no bound after all he finally got ready to take her on a romantic candle-light. She walked to the living room humming some romantic number only to find him sitting on couch and telling her “Honey, its India’s match today”.

Arranged love or Love arranged

I greeted the couple and conveyed my best wishes to them, the bride wanted me to be with her on the stage. But I felt that the stage was already too crowded, I promised her to come back after sometime and came down. I looked around, kids were playing, aunties were doing their regular gossip, everyone one enjoying the lavish dinner and was praising the couple. I took my favorite mocktail and sat in one corner. I looked at happy faces of the bride and groom and went back in my memory lane.

                                    *****************************

I was dressed in a pink saree and my mom’s heavy jewelry; I was gazing outside the window and was scared about my future. Vinit’s family came to see me, they liked me, and said that they want the wedding to happen after 2 weeks. Just a week back one of my dad’s friend suggested Vinit’s alliance for me, and today my marriage got fixed with him. But in all this process, Vinit was present nowhere, I had just seen his photo, and got some second hand information about his likes and dislikes from his sister and mom. He was working in the USA from last 5 years and had plans to settle down there itself. I was doing my masters and wanted to be in India and work for my dream company. I had always been a simple and practical girl. I knew that my family always wants the best for me, and I believed them 100%. But this time I was restless, as I have been asked to spend my life with someone I have never talked to or met. Elderly said, this is nothing new they also met their spouse first time on their wedding itself. Mom tried to console me by saying that Vinit will be in India next week, and that time I will get to meet him. 

I was lost in my thoughts when my cousin sister Pooja entered the room. She was bubbly and full of life. We all used to call her filmy because of her endless love for romantic songs and SRK’s movies. She had already announced it to her parents that whenever she will marry it will be a love marriage only. 

“Congratulations Divya.” She hugged me tight. I somehow managed to smile in response. It took her no time to figure out that something was wrong. She took my hand in her and asked me if I was fine with this marriage.

I and Pooja were of same age, and we were very close to each other. We were more like best friends then cousin sisters. I knew that only Pooja can understand my feeling and kept my heart in front of her. As expected she asked to say no for this wedding, but when I told her that I don’t want to make my parents upset she consoled me and said when Vinit comes to India, she will meet him, once she finds him good for me then only she will let me marry him.

                                    *****************************

Next week Vinit was in India, My mom and dad were busy in shopping and other arrangements for the wedding and I was getting ready to go and meet Vinit. Vinit requested my parents that he would like to meet me outside my house and my parents agreed, Pooja was asked to accompany me. 

We reached the coffee shop and Vinit was already present there. I was nervous and shy; I had so much to ask but didn’t know where to start from. But Pooja already started quizzing Vinit. By the end of our coffee I felt something unusual, it was Pooja and Vinit who were talking and sharing things about each other and I sat there quietly. I noticed, Vinit was a talkative, humorous gentleman but he was not my type.He was a romantic movie lover like Pooja and one who likes books only in the bookshelf unlike me. On our way back Pooja had all praises for Vinit, she even said that she would love to marry a guy like Vinit and I should be happy that I am getting married to him.

Next morning Vinit’s family came to our place, Vinit was also there. They were very sorry and informed us that Vinit liked Pooja more than me. Vinit also talked to me in private and explained his feelings, he was sorry for me. But I was happy for him and Pooja, and somewhere for myself too, as I was not sure about this marriage. Pooja’s parents were also called, after hour’s long discussion families decided that Pooja and Vinit should get married on the same day when my marriage was arranged with Vinit.

Pooja was sad for me but when we talked I convinced her that I had no feelings for Vinit and I am very happy for them. Once she was assured that I have no issues with she marring Vinit, she shared her feelings for Vinit with me, she told me how much she liked Vinit. Vinit had also told me that it was like love at first sight for him. I told this to Pooja and she was blushing.

Next full week I was shopping with Pooja and Vinit for their wedding and I felt very light and happy doing it. Finally my dearest sister was getting married to the guy she love. I was very happy for her.

                                    *****************************

I was lost in my memories when someone called my name. I looked up to see Deven.

“Hello Divya.” He greeted me.

“Oh Hi, Deven.” I replied, still surprised to see him there and wondering what to say.

Deven was my classmate during graduation, he had a crush on me and I used to like him too. But I always maintained distance from anything associated with love or relationships as I always felt it will make my life complicated and I never wanted any complications in life. No one other than Pooja knew my feelings for Deven. I turned to look at Pooja and found her smiling at me.

“So Divya, how is your project going on?” I heard Deven and turned back to him. We had a long conversation that night and had dinner together. He took my number and asked to keep in touch. 

Later when I went back on stage and asked Pooja if she invited Deven , she hugged me and said. “I found my love Divya, and my Love was arranged by you. And now it’s my turn to Arrange your love.” 

I didn’t knew what to say, I just hugged her back.

Love Marriage Vs Arranged Marriage

We Indians are obsessed with marriage. When a child opens his/her eyes in this world, family and relatives start to plan his/her wedding. As in western countries there is just one kind of marriage, that is love marriage. We Indians have choice here also; we can do love marriage or arranged marriage. Listed below are some of the scenarios, which look entirely different in a Love marriage, compared to an Arranged marriage.

 

No # 1

Love Marriage:  You fell in love with a girl/guy, now arrange the family to accept her/him.

Arranged Marriage:  Your family arranged a girl/guy for you, now you accept it and love her/him.

No # 2

Love Marriage:  Girl can never threaten the guy with these lines “I will go to my mom’s place.”

Arranged Marriage:  Girl can win any argument by saying this “I will go to my mom’s place.”

No # 3

Love Marriage:  If the guy and girl fight, elders will say “We told you he/she is not good for you”.

Arranged Marriage:  If the Guy and girl fight, elders will say “Fights are normal in every marriage”.


No # 4

Love Marriage:  Guy can’t count on the heavy free money which he can get.

Arranged Marriage:  Guy’s family decide months before marriage that how they want to use the free money.


No # 5

Love Marriage:  “You have changed after marriage” this line will come in most of the arguments between the couple.

Arranged Marriage:  “You have changed after marriage” this line may not find place in the arguments as the couple did not knew each other before marriage.


No # 6

Love Marriage:  Family keeps no expectation from Daughter in law/Son in law.

Arranged Marriage:  Family expects the daughter in law/Son in law to be perfect.


No # 7

Love marriage:  People expect you to be in love forever, the couple is expected to be lost in each other all the time.

Arrange Marriage:  No such expectation from the couple.

Whether one had love marriage or arranged marriage, at the end of the day they are nothing but a husband and wife. They will love, fight, cajole, argue, guide and care for each other. Just by seeing the couple it is very difficult for an outside to tell that this couple had a love marriage or an arrange marriage. It is up to the couple, how they nurture their relationship and where they want to take it. They are soul mates, who will be there for each other forever.

News

55 Fiction is a form of micro fiction that refers to the works of fiction limited to a maximum of fifty-five words.

"Oh my god!" She shouted in excitement. But next moment she got tensed, how she will break this news to him, he was not ready for this.

Result was in her hands, nothing can be changed now. 

She called him “Baby, I won car in the sweepstake, you asked me not to take part in.”

The Article

I cleaned the kitchen and came back with a magazine on my bed. This was my favorite magazine from years, before I used to finish reading all the articles in just 1 day. But after having my baby, I don’t get time for reading. Vivan (my son) was taking his afternoon nap and all my housework was done, so it was the best time to read the magazine.

I started reading the first article when the doorbell rang. Who can come at this time, I wondered and quickly walked towards the door, as I didn’t wanted the bell to ring again and disturb Vivan’s sleep. I looked through the peep hole, and there was a woman. She must be some saleswoman; I said “We don’t want to buy anything. You can go”. No sound came from other side. I turned back to go to the bedroom, when doorbell rang again. I ran to open the door and scolded her “Don’t you understand when I ask you to leave.” She gave me angry look but left without saying a word. I closed the door and came back in room. Vivan was still asleep; I took a sigh of relief.

“Let’s go back to the article” I sat on the bed with the magazine. It was hardly 10 minutes and the phone rang. I told my husband hundred times to get the landline disconnected. As we both have mobile phones, I don’t see any point in keeping this headache with us. I walked to the hall and picked up the call. “Hello Aunty, can you give the phone to Kunal.” voice came from the other side of the receiver. From which angle I look like an aunty, I rolled my eyes and said “You have dilled a wrong number, this is not Kunal’s house”. I was about to hangup, when that guy said “But Aunty, this is the number Kunal gave to me. I am not dialing wrong number.” By now I was irritated “listen, I am telling you again, this is not Kunal’s house. And I am not your Aunty, Ok? Keep the phone now” I hung up.

1 hour passed like few minutes and it was time for my baby’s next meal. I went in the kitchen to make baby food. When Vivan woke up and started to cry, I switched off the gas and ran to see my baby.

A baby needs lots of care and tons of patience. Vivan took full 45-50 minutes to finish a small bowl of baby food. He messed up his cloths, so I got him changed and sat with him on floor with his toys scattered around him. Soon he got busy playing with his toys and I grabbed my magazine to finish the article I stared some 3 hours back. “Look at me, the girl who used to finish full magazine in one day is taking 3 hours to finish an article” I laughed at myself.

Just the last paragraph was remaining when my mobile rang, it was my husband. “Hi Saloni, Is Vivan awake?” He asked. “Yes he is. By the way how come you called at this time” I inquired. “Nothing special” he giggled and continued “Actually I want to have pakoda with sour mango chatnee. I will be home in next one hour. Will you please prepare it for me?” I smiled “For sure.” and hanged up.

“There is still an hour, let me finish my reading and then I will start cooking” I thought while arranging Vivan’s toys. The next moment I realized that there were no mangos at home to make chatnee. I picked up my hand bag, carried Vivan and went to the vegetable shop at the corner of our street.

After coming back to home, I rushed to the kitchen and stated preparing the pakodas. As promised, my Husband came home at 6. He loved the pakoda and chatnee I made for him. We had tea together, and then he sat to play with Vivan, I went to kitchen for dinner preparation.

After sometime my husband came in the kitchen with my magazine in his hand, and seeing the book mark on the first few pages he said “Saloni, this month’s issue of your magazine came 10 days back right. You are still at first article, not finding this magazine interesting like before?” Before I could say something, he walked out of kitchen saying “Fine, I will cancel the subscription.”

Once Again

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 27; the 27th Edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton. The topic for this month is 'Once Again'.

Once again she felt butterflies in her stomach,

Her eyes were searching for him once again.

Once again she knew she was dressed to kill,
But his compliments only made her believe once again.

Once again she felt like a princess,
And the flowers he gave got her smile once again.


Once again his touch made her melt,

She surrendered herself to him once again.

Once again she looked in his eyes,
And asked “do you love me?” once again.

Once again he kissed her forehead,
And said “I Love you” once again.

Once again she felt secured in his arms,
And he felt complete holding her once again.

Once again they looked at eachother,
And lived their love all over again... Once again.

 

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

P.S: Today is my first wedding anniversary, and I dedicate this poem to my husbandJ.

Shaadi Ke Side Effects

As soon as you are out of college and start earning your parents switch from “Study well” to “get married soon” mode, even their blessings change from “May god give you success and wisdom” to “May god give a good life partner”. Parents feel that giving their child good education and then finding a perfect life partner for him/her is the main motive of their life. They want to finish these responsibilities ASAP so that they can enjoy their life tension free. And once you celebrate the silver jubilee of your presence on this earth, your whole family (also count the relatives you last met when you used to suck your thumb) start getting worried about your marriage.

Anyways, all these well wishers vanish after dancing to the tunes of DJ and enjoying the lavish food on your wedding. And it’s just the two newly wedded souls left to deal with the after effects (read side effects) of marriage. Here are some of the Side effects of marriage discovered by me ;)

1.   You can no more shop or go out all alone, if you are spotted by your pals they will treat you like a poor thing, or will suspect some problems going on between you and your partner.

2.   Elderly start expecting good news from you every time they call you. I feel they won’t mind if you deliver a baby on 6 month anniversary of your wedding.

3.   Whenever you feel tired and want to hug the bed tight, your partner will feel hungry. Drag yourself to the kitchen.

4.   When your partner compliments your beauty you can’t smile like Sharmila Tagore from Kashmir ki kali and say “it’s just my natural beauty” because he has seen you applying that facemask and beauty cream. Kill me...!!

5.   Every time you enter the bathroom after he used it you will shout, it may start with how to keep the mug and can go on till your imagination and strength allows ;)

6.    All the heavy cloths and jewellery you bought during your marriage thinking you will wear it someday (in my case even count the matching purses and sandals) will do nothing good but just eat space in your cupboard and will remind you time to time how well you wasted your hard earned money on them. Someday never comes!

7.   You will wish to have two Television sets in your home or a button in remote control to make him disappear, whenever he will express his wish to watch news or cricket match at the scheduled time of your favourite TV show.

However your days will be more eventful than they used to be during your singlehood. Because someone will always be around to talk to you like a friend, tease you and fight with you like your siblings, care for you and guide you like your dad, love you like a true lover and piss you off like a real husband :P

So if you are fine with these side effects, don’t wait anymore let the wedding bells ring.  :D

PS: You are welcome to add more to this list, please feel free to share them in comment section  J

Getting Married

From last two months I was extremely busy and I didn’t get any chance to update my blog. Regular updates for blog is like fuel for the car, and by not updating it for long two months I must have lost many readers. However if you will know the reason which kept me so busy these days you guys will forgive me for sure. :) I was busy with my marriage, which took place on the 6th of May. Some of my friends asked me to share my experience of getting married with them and so here I am.

The day my wedding date fixed all the family members were busy congratulating each other or discussing when to do which ritual, but I was busy deciding what I would wear and how I would look? From childhood itself, like every other girl I also used to dream about looking gorgeous on my wedding day. I used to have lots of work in office those days, still every evening I went for shopping. (For girls the best part of getting married is shopping, then some more shopping and lots of shopping :D)

But the actual feeling of getting married started when I went to my hometown Jamshedpur and the rituals started at home. There was some or the other puja every day. For some of them I was supposed to keep fast also. However all the nights were fun-filled because of the ladies sangeet. The elder used to sing folk songs and the younger ones used to shake legs on Bollywood beats. It was real fun seeing mom & dad dancing, and there was no excuse for the bride too. :)

Finally the wedding day arrived and I must tell you I was super busy that day. Different rituals, arranging my stuffs, parlor’s appointment, all this kept me so busy that I had no time for a quality talk with my mom and dad. As we do night weddings and there was a reception before that so I went to parlor at 4 itself, with clear instruction of being present in reception hall by 7 in the evening. But what’s the fun if people don’t wait for the bride ;). I was late for the reception by one hour. Then standing and smiling at each and every guest was a real punishment, add to it my wedding lehenga was really very heavy. After reception the actual wedding started somewhere around 1 at night and went on till 5 in the morning. My sister and cousins had good time taking neg (money) from the groom for juta churai and dwaar rokna. By end of the wedding I was very tired and sleepy. But during vidai when I saw my mom & dad crying all my sleep went off and I was also emotional.

Wedding was over but my journey as a married girl started from that moment. Before coming back to Bangalore, for some days I stayed with my in-laws. I was tensed before wedding, what if I didn't fulfill the expectations of my in-laws. But I must say I am very lucky to have such caring and loving in-laws who treated me just like their own daughter and sometimes even better than that.

Currently we are back to namma Bengaluru and back to our jobs. Now I have someone to share my work and care for me. I used to be very scared that I need to change a lot after marriage and I won’t be able to keep up to that. But I got my perfect match, who accepts me the way I am and loves me whole heartedly. So all in all the journey of getting married was wonderful and I hope to have a lovely married life ahead for us. :)

Return

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 14; the fourteenth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Everything was out of place, room was messy. Broken pieces of flower vase were still there on floor. Rishi unlocked the door and came inside, gave a sigh to the condition of room and went inside bedroom. Bedroom was also in same state. His almirah was open and bed was covered with heap of clothes. And there she was in the corner of the room, smiling..... “She has such a beautiful smile” Rishi went near her picture. It was Tia’s picture, his beautiful wife.

They were opposite. She was organized, he was clumsy. She used to love books; he used to read books to get sleep. She used to like soft music and he was a heavy metal fan. The differences were countless but they just cared about one thing and that was their love. They met four years ago and soon got into a relationship. Morning they would fight about something and breakup, by evening they would patchup again . There were many big and small fights but their love always stood taller than the fights. They decided to take their relationship one step further and with everyone’s blessings they married last year. After marriage facing each other 24X7 had brought out their differences more clearly. Fights increased but patch up time reduced. Tia was a cleanliness freak but Rishi was opposite. Most of the times fights started because of this and then get diverted to something else. Whenever Tia was very angry with Rishi, she used to go to the nearby park and he used to run behind her and cajole her. They managed well through all small & big fights until last night.

*********************************

Tia called Rishi in his office and asked him to get the ingredients for the cake she wanted to prepare. When he reached home Tia greeted him with smile.

Tia: Hi, How was your day? And where are the things I asked you to bring?

Rishi: Shit! I just forgot.

Her expressions changed. She went to kitchen to get water for him, and when she came back “Rishi, what is this? How many times I have to tell you to keep your shoes in the shoe rack.”

He took the glass from her “Sorry darling.”

Tia: Oh my god, look at this. You are so careless. You left your watch on bookshelf and morning you will turn the house upside down for this. When will you become responsible Rishi?

Rishi: Hold on! If I misplace my things that doesn’t mean I am irresponsible.

Tia: Oh Yes! I know how much responsible you are, I asked you to bring something but you forgot. I doubt how you work in office.

Now this was enough to hit his ego. “What do you think Tia, I don’t work well in office? Just like that I got two promotions in last two years? Do you understand how much work I do in office? Anyways how will you understand all this, you just sit at home and watch TV.”

Tia: What! I just sit idle all day? Mr. Rishi, you make this house look like a dumping ground and leave every morning, I am the one who makes it look like home again. I cook for you, I do your laundry. I take care of your home and you are calling me lazy. You men think that we women just eat and sleep at home.

Rishi: Oh come on. Give me a break Tia; don’t talk like your daily soap actresses.

Tia: Hey, I don’t watch daily soap all the time.

Rishi: As if I don’t know, How big a fan of daily soap you and your mom are.

Tia: Don’t you dare to drag my mom into this fight.

Rishi: Why not? You always bring my mom in all the fights.

This time the argument was very much heated and the peak point was when in irritation Rishi broke the flower wass which Tia’s mom bought them from Italy. After hour long argument Tia went inside bedroom room.

After some time Rishi saw Tia with luggage. “What is this Tia, are you going to stay in the park for some days?”.

Tia stared at him with anger “You think I do nothing. So now you take care of your house. I am going.”

“But….. Hey Tia, leave it dear. Such small fights are regular between us baby. I will keep my things properly from tomorrow” He tried to cool down Tia’s temper. But she was not ready to listen to him. “This time I won’t listen to your false promises. I am going and that is final. Good bye Mr. Rishi.”

Rishi: Hey Tia, listen…. But where are you going…?

She slammed the door on his face and left.

*******************************

Rishi called Tia and like last hundred times this time also her mobile was coming switched off. Last night when she left home, he thought she may go to some friend’s place and will return in few hours or by morning for sure. But when Tia’s phone continued to remain switched off and she didn’t return by morning Rishi got tensed. He was not sure whom he should call. Because if Tia’s mom comes to know from somewhere that Tia was not with him last night, she won’t like it. He called few of Tia’s close friends to enquire about her, but didn’t get any information. It was eleven in the night and he had called almost everyone he could. It was more than 24 hours and Tia had not returned home. He was feeling guilty for fighting with her. He badly wanted her back. He took Tia’s picture in hand and his eyes were wet “I am sorry darling, Please come back. I need you. Please….”

Doorbell rang. He slowly walked towards main door, anticipating who could it be at that time? He opened the door and stood there with his mouth open. He didn’t get how to react to it. She entered the house and he was still standing near door.

“Rishi, you didn’t clean the room today?” it was Tia. Rishi took her in his arms, and kissed her “Where were you Tia. I was so scared for you. Why you left me and went away for such a small thing. I missed you so much… And your phone was also off. I got scared”

Tia: I only switched it off. And I went to my mom’s place.

Rishi: What? Why did you do that? Now what your mom will think of me, that I fight with you always.

Tia: You only said I do nothing. So I gave you a chance to see what and all I do back home when you are in office.

“I am sorry. You know once I am angry I talk rubbish. I was waiting for your return. I am so happy to see you back baby” he hugged her. Tia smiled “I missed you too. I was also very angry last night. But I can’t stay away from you for long time. And more over next week is our first wedding anniversary, so I returned today itself.”

Rishi: Next week is our anniversary? Which date?

She threw him away “You don’t remember out wedding anniversary. This is too bad”.

“Oh dear I am sorry. You know my poor memory. We will have a grand celebration for anniversary. Okay?” He somehow managed to avoid the upcoming argument.

Tia smiled in agreement. She went to keep her luggage inside bedroom, and shouted “Rishi…. Again you got your shoes inside; I told you thousand times to keep them in shoe rack.”

Rishi: Oh god! Not again…..

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

She is Human

As I said before, my idiot box makes my room lively. That only gives me company for dinner. Last week while having dinner I saw new daily soap on Sony entertainment television. This serial revolves around a girl, whose family is trying to arrange her marriage. The plot is very much similar to many other serials on air, but that one episode which I saw that night made me think over it.

In that episode, this girl and her family went to a restaurant to meet one prospective groom’s family. After staring at the girl for half an hour boy’s mom took her inside the restroom, as she wanted to check that the girl don’t have any mark on her body. That is embarrassing for any girl and so it was for her. Girl started crying, to which our prospective groom’s mom said “मैं तो आलू भी दस बार जाँच कर खरीदती हूँ | फिर ये तो मेरे बेटे की शादी का सवाल है |” (I even check potato ten times before buying, then this is the question my son's wedding) . And in next episode, boy’s mom took the girl to a gynaecologist for checking her fertility.

“What a piece of crap this is.” I said to myself after watching this. You may also feel the same. Some of you may ask, is this story from some other era. To our surprise, this story is of this era only, and in many small towns in India this is how girls are made to give tests for getting married.

No need to go too far, I know a real life example for the same. This is what happened with one of my friend, when she went to meet the prospective groom’s mom and dad with her family. The guy’s father made her read a book loudly, for checking her reading skills. Damn! She is working with one of India’s largest IT firm, how you can doubt on her reading skills. That was not all. Guy’s mom gave my friend a booklet and asked her to read the digits written on it. To my surprise, that booklet was for color blindness check. I felt so sorry for my friend when I heard this incident. I wonder, this lady wants a life-partner for her son or she is looking for a pilot for their private jet. This was really embarrassing. I must say my friend behaved very patiently, whereas I would have left the place then and there if these tests were conducted over me.

I understand very well that marriage is a lifelong bond. In arranged marriage we cannot trust any stranger that easily, so we check things through our known people. In current time when cheating and fraud rates are so high, it is difficult to believe anyone. Still, this kind of checking is insulting. Because she is a girl, that does not give anyone the authority to treat her like vegetables.

What if the girl’s family also want to know guy’s fertility, make him walk to check that his legs are alright or not, or if they ask the guy to give color blindness test. It will be insulting for him too. He may raise his voice or will reject the girl, as her parents treated him badly. Then why don’t the girls raise their voice against this inhuman behavior and insult.

Time is changing, females are financially independent now. But still they are silently accepting all this insult, as in Indian society from childhood girls are trained to accept such insults and adjust in any situation.

Marriage is the bond of trust. If we don’t trust people and keep checking them, it gives them the feeling of distrust and makes the bond weaker in the beginning itself. We need to trust people to get trusted in return. I would request all the prospective groom’s families, that check things and satisfy yourself as it is the biggest decision in life, but don’t hurt others ego and confidence. You are not in a vegetable market shopping for potato or onion. You are dealing with a girl. Treat her with humanity, as she is also a human.

Shadi Aaj Kal

Today is my parent’s 26th wedding anniversary. Early morning I called them and gave my well wishes. I started for office but all the way I was remembering the stories I heard from my parents and grandparents about how their marriage got fixed and how it took place.

Now I and most of my friends are in the age, where our parents are worried about our marriage. But search and selection process for the groom/bride is very much different than what it was some 20 years back. I thought, let me share my views about the changes seen in arranged marriage process from yesterday to today on my blog. So here’s my view on Shadi aaj kal. :)

No 1#

Shadi Kal: Selection or rejection of boy/girl was based on their photo given for marriage proposal.

Shadi Aaj: Selection or rejection of boy/girl is not based on just their photo. As with the help of new software any one can look awesome in photo. (Now a day’s even swami ji says that the video is morphed :), then what’s there in a photo :P)

No 2#

Shadi Kal: First face to face meeting of boy and girl was in their mandap at the time of wedding.

Shadi Aaj: Boy and girl can’t even think of marriage without meeting in person.

No 3#

Shadi Kal: No dating, orkut, facebook, email, Gmail, chatting, tweeting, texting, and phone calls before marriage.

Shadi Aaj: dating, orkut, facebook, email, Gmail, chatting, tweeting, texting, and phone calls continue for 2 to 3 week, as a process of data collection which will help in decision making.

No 4#

Shadi Kal: Girl should cook very well. She should be master in all homely work.

Shadi Aaj: Girl should earn very well. She should be ready to pay half of her salary to the home maid.

No 5#

Shadi Kal: You can find the perfect bride/groom through your pandit or relative’s network.

Shadi Aaj: Your perfect bride/groom is just a click away. Thanks to so many matrimonial sites.

No 6#

Shadi Kal: Father wants to know daughter’s opinion about the boy, for which the shy girl makes a hole on floor with her toe and says “Whatever you feel right is ok with me”. :D

Shadi Aaj: Before father gives his opinion about the boy, girl says “Dad, the guy doesn’t have six-packs and he earns only 1L/month. I feel we should look for some more options.”

No 7#

Shadi Kal: A reason to reject the girl “Yaar, she loves someone else”.

Shadi Aaj: A reason to reject the girl "Dude, she told she is a lesbian :( "

PS: At last, how much ever changes we see in the searching and selection process of bride/groom, still the secret behind a successful marriage is same throughout the years. Empathy, responsibility, commitment, love and concern is common among all the successful marriages of aaj and kal. :)

Do share your views or any personal experience about the same on comments :D

 

 

I love you Papa

Nupur was sitting on her bed, wearing her beautiful red lehenga. Her long hairs were decorated with jasmine flowers and hands were full with mehndi. She was wearing her mom’s wedding necklace, which was her favorite from childhood. It’s her wedding tonight. The day every girl dreams about from childhood. Every girl wants to look her best on her wedding and that’s why bride is always late on her wedding. As special day’s special makeup takes long time. But Nupur was ready 30 min before the jaymala* muhurat. This was because of her Papa, as he is very punctual about time. He had already instructed the beautician to get his daughter ready on time. Now when the ladies left the room to get dressed for the wedding and Nupur was alone in the room. She looked outside the door. Everyone was busy in the last minute arrangements. Her mom didn’t even have time to get mehndi on her hands, as she has lots of work to look after. Her younger brother, who uses to fight with her for everything from toys to TV remote, was busy guiding the caterers. And among all, busiest one was her Papa. Who was in his late 50’s and still running around to get things done on time.

Mixed emotions were playing hide and seek in her heart. She felt nostalgic. Her childhood memories were passing in front of her eyes. From tomorrow she will not get her mom’s best raajma chawal, bhai won’t disturb her with his imaginary boring stories and Papa will not come to wake her up in the morning. She loves all of them a lot, but with papa she never expressed it in words. She was completely into the sea of thoughts as a tear rolled down her rosy cheeks. She got up from bed and went to her study table, opened the letter pad and started writing.

Dear Papa,

When you will read this latter, I won’t be here. Tomorrow I won’t come to give you your morning tea with newspaper. Neither I will be there to open the door when you will come back from office.

Papa, you have always been my ideal man and the biggest support throughout. Papa, do you remember my very first day in school. I joined 1st Std in new school. I was very sad, as because of your transfer I left my old school and friends. I was silent all the way to school, and then you told me “Making friends is an art. Only good people can make new friends wherever they go. But they don’t leave there old friends too.” I remembered this line every time we changed city and school. And as a result today I have so many loving friends, and I am in contact with most of them. Whenever I use to fight with bhai for toys you use to make me understand that I am elder to bhai, I should take care of him and not fight with him. On every path of life you thought me something and made me a better human being.

I never talked very openly to you as your strict and disciplined nature use to scare me sometimes, but I admired you the most for the same discipline always. Even if I don’t tell you still you use to understand that I have some problem and you will lend me your help. You never dictated your children. You always gave us the light of knowledge and left the final decision on us, so that we can learn the art of decision making.

Papa, I never hugged you and said how much I love you. But today through this letter I want my dearest Papa to know that I Love you a lot. You are the Best Papa in this world. I love you Papa.

--Your loving daughter Nupur.

As she finished the letter, she heard her friends yelling “Nupur, baraat came. Your hubby is so handsome”. They were all giggling and teasing Nupur when Nupur’s mom came in room to take her to the mandap* for jaymala.

The wedding went very well. Everything took place perfectly and on time. Everyone was very happy. And now it was time for Bidai. The newly wedded couple was taking blessings from all the relatives one by one. When the couple went to Nupur’s papa, he gave them lot of blessings and he slipped a piece of paper in Nupur’s hand. It was a letter for Nupur.


My dear angel,

In past 24 years I have got so much used to see you around me that from tomorrow how I will manage without you I don’t know. You must have thought that papa is always so strict. But I am like this so that my children will learn discipline and good habits in life. Whenever you came to me asking what you should choose in life, I never gave final word, as I wanted you to take your own decision. Whether they are right or wrong, they will teach you the real lessons of life. And today I feel I succeeded in that. You and your brother have always been very good and made me feel proud.

I never hugged you, never kissed you and said you are my best daughter. But I always did it in my heart. From now on you will start a new life for yourself. I am very much sure that you will be happy and keep everyone happy in your new home. Today I want you to know my daughter that your papa loves you a lot. You are the best daughter in the world my darling. You are my real angel. I will miss you a lot beta.

--Your proud Papa.

Next morning Nupur called her papa. Now both of them knew how much love they have for each other. The conversation they had that day was the best till date. There was a new closeness and comfort they found in each other. They have discovered the joy of true father daughter relation.


*Jaymala: Garland changing ceremony in Hindu (north Indian) wedding.

*Mandap: Canopy. Hindus hold Weddings under the Mandap

PS: Never keep your feeling only till yourself. Tell your parents/children how much you love them. And then you will feel a new happiness and closeness in the relation.