Health and Hygiene - Every Women’s Right

We all read about our rights and duties in school and the right I am talking about today is something very close to women. So close that we tend to keep it as a secret, which should not be disclosed. A secret which should not be discussed, but today I want to discuss about it here with everyone. We are talking about periods.

To some it may sound very normal, what’s big deal, it’s just the monthly menstruation. We women face it every month and we are so familiar and comfortable with it that we tend to take it very lightly. But do you know that this is that time of month when many women risk their health and life. In Urban India when we the fortunate one choose between hundreds of sanitary napkins based on colour and fragrance, there are many other women in same country who use unhealthy methods like dirty old cloths, ashes, plastic and what not. They do not use sanitary napkins because mostly they cannot afford it. In a family where every expense is calculated and is made based on importance, buying sanitary napkins are never considered important. Old women will preach the young one’s about how they used to wash and use the same cloth many times, how buying napkins will add extra burden on monthly budget.

Women are very sacrificing by nature; they prefer buying milk for their family then buying a packet of sanitary pads for themselves. And the men of house are mostly kept away from such topics or are least bothered about it. Because of which they are always unable to see the health risk women of family is facing by using unhygienic methods to control menstruation flow. However all men are not this ignorant, there are some men like Arunachalam Muruganatham. The man who invented a machine to create low cost sanitary napkins, which are less than one third of the price of other napkins available in market. He was not very rich neither from big city, but he had a big dream to bring change. He was concerned about the health of his wife and sisters and that is want moved him towards this invention. He started a business not to make money but to improve the quality of living of women in India by providing them the basic necessity of hygiene during those days.

Today because of the monopoly of big brands such basic necessities are sold on such high prise that low earning families are not able to afford them. We need to help others by letting them know about the cheaper alternative Mr. Muruganatham had came up with. We should educate the women and make them more aware about importance of hygiene. Stop treating menstruation cycle as taboo and talk openly about it. let’s spared the word so that more and more women get to utilize this benefit (hygienic and cheaper sanitary  pads). Let’s start this from our home by talking to our maids and house helps first, they too work equally hard as we do for our family and they too have equal right of living a healthier life. When a man can think for us and then why can’t we women think of each other’s well being J

PS: This post id written for The Idea Caravan contest by Franklin Templeton Investments on indiblogger.

Franklin Templeton Investments partnered the TEDxGateway Mumbai in December 2012.

I Ring the Bell

I put my hand there trying to feel,

Yes it’s a part of me which is yet to reveal.

Will it be a boy or it will be a girl,

Thinking of this makes me fear.

If it’s a girl, what will be her future?

Will she be free or she will always live in fear?

Oh my lord, look what is going on,

In this unsafe country I don’t want my girl to born.

Yes I wanted a girl cute, pretty and fun,

But after seeing things here I am stun.


Rapes, dowry, eve teasing, and molestation

To these problems I see only one solution.

Things will change only when men will change,

When his upbringing and mentality will change

When he will consider women equal and will respect her

Then only his mother, sister and daughter will also be safer.

Oh dear god please answer my prayer,

I ring the bell in front of you please make this country safer.

 

 

 

 

 

Bangalore for women: What we want?

On weekend I attended a bloggers meet organized by Indiblogger and Times of India. Times of India is driving this initiative “Bangalore for women” from quite some time which I have seen in newspaper. Now they decided to pool-in bloggers too, to give larger online impact to this drive. In the meet we had open discussion about the problems faced by women in the city. There were many issues shared, and some personal experience from fellow bloggers which were terrifying. I and many other blogger like me were in state of shock when we came to know that after Delhi, Bangalore is the second unsafe city for women in India. I always thought that we are living in a calm and safe city but that information was like a wake up call for me.

Bangalore being the IT hub of India sees lots of people coming here for work and higher study every year. I was not born in Bangalore, but I am living here from last 6.5 years. This city has given me my work and identity, this city is more like a home to me now. And same is the case with many others too. Bangalore is the city which has the most women workforce in technology industry in India. In the meet we have discussed a lot about the problems faced by women in the city and other issues. So here I want to talk about some solution and initiatives I believe will make a women’s life easier and safer in the city.

Prepaid Auto stand near techparks: Commutation is a big concern for women working late in office. Atuo’s charge more at night and they are not very safe either. But at those odd hours we have no other option but to pay them what they want and pray for reaching home safe. Having a prepaid auto stand with a constable on duty will save us from arguments on auto-fair and will give a feeling of getting watched to the Auto drivers( their vehicle number and passenger’s phone number should be included in the receipt) . This in turn will make late night commutation safer for women.

Working Helpline number: When caught in ugly situations, we really don’t know whom to contact. We mostly end up calling your relatives or friends who may not be the able to really help us in such situations. Having a functional helpline number (which is quick and efficient) will be very handy. With that at least we will know that in times of danger whom to contact.

Women Auto/Bus/Cab driver: Having women drivers will bring a sense of safety. We can expect them to be empathic to other women and the trust factor will increases. Late night cabs provided by corporate feels unsafe at times due to the incidents happened in past, having women drivers and women security guards will surly help.

Corporate Anti-Harassment cell: There are possibilities of mental and physical harassment in the work place too. Most of the women do not feel comfortable sharing this with their male bosses and keep quite. Having an Anti-Harassment committee at work place will help the victims come out. The committee can have some senior women employees who are easy to approach. There are all guidelines given for such cells in corporates but many small industries or offices do not follow it. This should be made compulsory and employees should be motivated to come forward and voice against such harassment.

Self-Defense Education in techparks/ colleges/ schools: With all the securities and facilities around still we cannot be safe always. As self-help is the best help, self-defense is the best form of safety every women can have. We all know this but tend to push it at back of our minds due to other deadlines and works, and think of it only when we are in ugly situations. Conducting Self-defense sessions in techparks, colleges and schools will make sure all the women make the most out of it without sacrificing other commitments. Corporates and education institutions have to pay attention towards this.

There are so many other problems too which women in our city face. But I feel safety of the women inside and outside home is most important. Working woman is considered independent, but until she is living in fear she is not completely independent. If women are not safe, they cannot explore their abilities to the fullest. We live in the technology hub of India, there are hundreds of MNCs here,  if here women are not safe then what a shameful picture of our nation we are showing to this world. Every morning when I get up and leave for work I should feel motivated about my work and not worried about my safety. Let’s work towards making this city the safest city for women in India. Safe Bangalore is the Bangalore we all want for us, Safe Bangalore is the Bangalore for women.

Happy Women’s Day

Today someone asked me why women have a special day for you where as men have no such day. It made me think, are we making ourselves look small or weak by having a special day for us. Are we really frail or it’s just a social taboo which makes us believe that we are not equal.

Actually strength is not physical always; it’s mental and emotional too. When checked on these parameters, we women stand stronger than others.  Then why are we considered weak? I guess it is because we think less of ourselves. A women literally works more hours than a men, she is the one who nurtures life 9 months more than anyone else. She is strong yet soft, she is intelligent yet patient. She can multitask yet deliver each job with perfection.  So actually we are not weak, we are rather more celebrated by the nature itself.

This day is not just a day for strengthening our rights; it is a day to celebrate womanhood. It is a day to rejoice being a woman. On this day I feel more feminine and lucky to be born as a girl. It is our day so let us wish each other a very happy women’s day and celebrate this day of womanhood by making woman equal to woman.

Enough is enough

I consider myself very strong person and even the people around me think the same for me. However in reality, I am very emotional and sensitive at heart. Things around me which are not directly related also make me restless at times. And after reading about the recent Delhi rape case, I was really restless. I felt angry, annoyed, upset; I felt like I have to go out and do something, I have to stop all this. I know a lot of bloggers are writing about it and asking for strong law against such crime. I want that too, I want the rapists to get such harsh punishment, which becomes a lesson for everyone who ever had or will ever think of doing something close to harassing a women. I feel just putting them in prison is not enough, they should be punished publicly.

In a country where Aadi sakti is idolized as the symbol of power, where we worship small girls as Devi Durga there only girls are unsafe even in the day light, they are harassed in public places and their parents live under fear until their daughter comes back home safe and sound. If this is our reality then what is the use of portraying lady as a goddess and worshipping her for power, wealth & wisdom. I thought a lot about why all this is happening. Answer to this question varies from person to person. Some feel it is because of lack of education, then what about those highly educated people who raped or assaulted women. Some feel it is because of “improper dressing” of girls, then what about the rape cases in villages. Those ladies were wearing saree or other ethnic Indian cloths. I feel it has nothing to do with his education or her cloths it’s all about mentality. It’s about not considering women a thing for pleasure; it is about considering her equally human as you are.

I thought a lot about it, what we can do as women to stop such molestation. If not much then at least we can cultivate good values in our kids, we can teach our son, brothers and friends to respect women. And we can act more attentive, strong and defensive to keep ourselves protected.

Below are some of the tips and tricks I found at various places which women can use for self-defense.

1.      Tip from Tae Kwon Do: The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do it.

2.      Learned this from a tourist guide to New Orleans : if a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from you…. chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!

3.       If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car: Kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver won’t see you but everybody else will. This has saved lives.

4.      Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping,eating,working, etc., and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc. DON’T DO THIS! The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side,put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU CLOSE the DOORS , LEAVE.

5.      A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage:
a.         Be aware: look around your car as someone may be hiding at the passenger side ,    peek into your car, inside the passenger side floor, and in the back seat. ( DO THIS TOO BEFORE RIDING A TAXI CAB) .

b.         If you! u are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars.

c.         Look at the car parked on the driver’s side of your vehicle, and the passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out. IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.) 

6.      ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. (Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot).

7.       If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times; And even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN!

8.       As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP IT! It may get you raped, or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked “for help” into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim.

It is always good to be safe than sorry. I wish and pray that government does take some strong action against accused and make some strong law to prevent such incidents in future. This should not became one such case again, about which everyone talked in past and forgot now. I request our leaders to handle this case with highest priority and punish the rapist as soon as possible, don’t let them walkout freely. If an Indian woman is not safe in her own country then it is a big shame for all of us. In Mahatma Gandhi’s words “India will attain full freedom on the day women can walk safely at night.” I request to each and every Indian, please work on taking our nation towards full freedom.

PS: Please pray for the brave girl who is fighting for her life.

Change for future

I was cutting vegetables in the kitchen when my daughter came running to me. She looked happy, and she had a paper in her hand. She kept her arm around me and sat in my lap. “Maa, I passed the exam. Now I will go to 6^th class.” She said in excitement and handed over her report card to me. It took me nearly 1 minute to just read her school’s name, which was written in bold letters on top of the card.

 I used to go to a school in my village in Rajasthan, where I studied till 3^rd class. At the age of 11 I got married to a man who was 12 years older them me, and had a kid of half of my age. Before I can understand the meaning of marriage I was pregnant with my first child. By the time I turned 21, I was mother of 3 boys. Though I conceived more than 3 times, once my kid died just after the delivery and other times I suffered miscarriage because of several reasons. Having kids at young age and not getting proper medical care, took toll on my health. I was in my thirties, but I looked much older than that. Eyesight was getting weaker and so was my body. “Maa, I want to have kheer today.” Gudia’s words brought me out of my thoughts. “Sure! I will make sweet-sweet kheer for my Gudia.” I kissed on her forehead.

My oldest son (my step Son) entered the kitchen and said “So Gudia, you passed 5^th class right.” Gudia ran in joy, and gave her report card in his hand. He looked at the card and said “Hmmm, now it’s time I should start finding alliance for you.” Gudia looked confused, she came and stood near me. “She is a kid now, what is the hurry for marriage.”I said. My son Rakesh rolled his eyes “She is a kid? At her age you became my mother. Don’t you remember that?”. I held Gudia close to me and said “That was old time, now things are different. Her teacher ji says that girls should not be married before 18 years of age.”. Rakesh drank water and said “That madam is from city, she has no idea how things work in villages. We know what is best for our girl.”.  I raised my voice “But in TV also they show that child marriage is illegal.”. Rakesh shouted back “looks like TV is making you very smart. Don’t forget Baba is coming back tomorrow, and if I tell him about your protest, just think what he will do to you.”

He left the kitchen and I asked Gudia to go to her room, I sat there only, lost in my thoughts. My husband does not drink alcohol and abuse me, because he doesn’t need to be out of his senses to do that. He points finger on me for each and everything. I am not supposes to have my own wish or word in this house, I just have to follow what he and his sons decide.

                                    ****************************************

No one gave ear to what I said and they fixed my Gudia’s marriage. Gudia is sad, because she won’t be going to school anymore. And I am so restless; I don’t want to see my girl leading the same life which I lived. I was having sleepless nights, as I was afraid for my daughter’s future. Next morning Gudia’s school teacher came home to see her. She wanted to speak to my husband and make him understand that child marriage is not right, but he didn’t listen to her at all. She asked me, why I am not stopping my family from doing this. Why am I silently seeing my daughter’s life getting ruined? I said nothing and stood there with my head down. Before leaving teacher ji said to me “The person, who silently witnesses the sin, is equally responsible for the outcomes.”

I spent the whole night with my eyes open; Gudia was sleeping by my side. I looked at her innocent face, she had no idea how her own father was busy ruining her future. Tears rolled down from side of my eyes.

                                    **************************************

Gudia was dressed in her wedding dress and my sons were standing near the main gate with their father, to welcome to groom and his family. Barat came, everyone looked very happy. Ladies were dancing and guests were congratulating my husband for following the tradition and getting her daughter married at a young age. I was standing in a corner and was silently praying to god with my eyes closed. I opened my eyes when I heard the jeep’s sound. Yes, the police was there. They held my husband and scolded him for arranging his minor daughter’s marriage. The senior inspector asked “Who called and informed us about this marriage, please come forward.” Everyone in the guest was clue less and was looking at each other.  I came in front and said “I called you Sir.” My husband yelled at me for calling the police.

Today morning when everyone was busy in the marriage preparations, I dialed the emergency number from the landline and informed them about this marriage. I have seen that number flashing on TV many times before, in different awareness program ads given by government. If I would have been caught calling them, my husband would have killed me. But to me, that time my Gudia’s future was more important than anything else.

Police caught all the males of my family and also the groom’s parents. Some villagers where rolling their eyes on me, for informing the police about this marriage. But I was not feeling guilty, I was relieved. I knew that now I have bigger challenges to face and harsher questions to answer. Still I was happy, because I acted against a bad practice. Someone rightly said “If something irritates us so much, we only need to change it.” And today I became the change, to change my daughter’s future.

PS: Child marriage is illegal, but it is still practiced in some parts on India.

मैं ऐसी क्यों हूँ ?

क्या हूँ मैं सबसे अलग, या ये मेरी समझ का दोष है ?
क्यों वो चीजें मुझे ना भये, जो दुसरो के लिए मौज़ है ?


हँस देती हूँ मैं तब, जब माहौल बड़ा संगीन हो |
जोर से रोने का दिल करता, जब सबकी शाम रंगीन हो |


अपनी हीं दुनिया में रहना मुझ को ज्यादा भाता है |
फिर भी कभी-कभी ये सवाल मेरे मन में आता है,
                          मैं ऐसी क्यों हूँ ?


कभी एक बच्चे की तरह मैं मचलू जाने को चाँद पर |
कभी मैं बस सो जाना चाहूँ सारी दुनिया को भूल कर |

हूँ मैं कौन, क्या मैं चाहूँ, मैं भी समझ नहीं पाती |
कभी मैं जिन चीजों पे रूठू, कभी उन्ही पे हँस जाती |


बड़ी बड़ी बातों को भूल, छोटी बातों पे लडती हूँ |
अजब्-गजब् हरकते मेरी, ना  जाने मैं ऐसी क्यों हूँ ?


खुद को जान लिया जिसने वो जग में सबसे ज्ञानी है |
मैं ऐसी क्यों हूँ, ये गुत्थी मुझ को भी सुलझानी है |

 

The Call

I sipped the coffee and started typing again. In that silent room only sound was caused by my typewriter. Now a days when everyone writes on computer and laptop, I still prefer my typewriter. This typewriter was gifted to me by my father, who was a famous writer. I write stories for a magazine and my first book is ready for launch in few months. Rhythm of the typewriter’s sound broke by interruption from a phone call. Our land line phone was ringing. My wife Shina and son Aryan were out for shopping, I was the only one responsible to pick it up. I received the call “Hello”. No sound came from the other side. “Hello who is this? Hello. Can you hear me?”  But no reply came from other side and call got disconnected. I came back to my seat and I was about to type the next word when phone rang again. “Hello…. Hello. Who is this? Whom you want to talk to? Hello …” but like before this time also there was no reply. I kept the receiver and returned to my seat but phone rang again. As if someone doesn’t want me to write peacefully. I received the call but again no answer. This series of blank calls continued for some 10-15 times continuously.


                                                ******************************


We were discussing how our day was at work, when my wife told me about the series of blank calls came on our landline phone in the evening. I told her that the same incident happened last Sunday also when I was alone at home. I thought we should buy a caller id phone set. But my wife was not much interested in doing so, in place of that she suggested removing the landline phone as we both have mobile, and landline was old fashioned according to her. But being someone who likes old things I didn’t wanted to remove landline connection and dropped my idea of buying a caller id phone.


                                                *******************************


I pressed the doorbell. Shina opened the door and hugged me tight “thank god, you are alright”. She looked scared and her face was wet with tears and sweat. She looked terrified, and was thanking god for saving me. I made her sit comfortably, gave her water and asked her what happen. She said that when she came back from office, some blank calls came as it came last week. After few blank calls in one call someone said that I (her husband) met with an accident. Shina asked him who that person is and from where he is speaking, she asked him how I am and where I am but the person didn’t reply and disconnected the call. After that she tried calling me but my phone was switched off, which frightened her more. I checked my phone, it was off. I only switched it off when I went inside a meeting and forgot to switch it on once I came out. I had no idea about who called Shina and why someone informed her about my accident, but this one incident scared my whole family.

Next day itself I bought caller id phone. And I informed my friend Suresh, who was in police, about this incident. He told me not to panic, may be someone had played prank on us.


                                                *****************************


I walked in the hall to take the newspaper, and I saw Shina shouting on Aryan. I asked her the reason. She said “I am so upset with your son. He never listens to me. Today he took chocolate from some stranger uncles.” I smiled and assured her that I will tell Aryan not to do this again. I made my son to sit on my lap, but he being a naughty kid was trying to get out of my grip and run around. “So you made momma angry again?” he smiled. We both started playing with each other and soon room was filled with our giggles.


                                                *****************************


I was working in my study room when I heard Shina screaming my name. I panicked and ran towards the hall. She said that Aryan went for playing in the park but he did not come back yet. I asked her “Have you seen in his room, maybe he is back.  She cried “I checked everywhere in the house, he is not here”. I told her not to worry and decided to go myself and call Aryan from the nearby park because it was getting darker. I did not find him in the park, I asked few neighbors also but no one had any idea about where Aryan went. I came back home and my wife was in worse condition then in what I left her. She was crying nonstop. I too got tensed and worried when I came to know about the ransom call, which came sometime back. My little son was kidnapped. Till now I had seen these things only in movies or read those in news paper, but today this happened to my 6 year old kid, it made me go weak on knees. I checked the number from where call came on our phone and called there, but no one picked up.

The kidnaper warned us not to call police. Still I called my friend Suresh and told him about the incident. He asked me for the number from which ransom call came and told me to mail Aryan’s photo to him.


                                                *****************************


That was a sleepless night and early morning we got call from the kidnaper. He asked us for money and said he will call again and inform about the time and location where we should give him money. When I checked in caller id, I found out that this time the number used to call us was different. I informed the same to Suresh. Within an hour Suresh came to our home with his team. They all came in civilian dress so that no one comes to know that police came to our house. He said that his team traced the numbers and found out that both the calls came from some PCOs near the city engineering college. He asked us if anything else unusual happened in last few days. My wife told him about the blank calls we used to get some days back and about that call which gave her the wrong information about my accident.


                                                *****************************


24 hours passed and Shina fell ill due to constant crying and tension. I gave her sleeping pills and somehow made her sleep, but I was restless. Around ten in the night Suresh called me and asked me to come to the police station immediately. He said that they arrested the kidnappers and Aryan is safe now. I reached police station in no time. My son was sitting in the police station and he started crying after seeing me. He was not beaten by the kidnappers but the whole incident scared my little boy a lot. I thanked Suresh and his team for saving my kid and asked him who the kidnapper was. I never expected even in my wildest dream that the kidnappers were some students from the city engineering college. These guys were addicted to drugs and when they ran short of money they planned this kidnapping. I was still confused that why they did this with me as I am not the richest guy of the town neither I am any industrialist. Suresh said “once you went to their college as chief guest for some function. There you shared your home phone number with few guys who were interested in writing. From there only they got your number” I came to know that these guys only used to give blank calls on my landline, to find out who used to be at home at what time. They only called Shina about my accident to check if we complain to police for such misguiding call or not. These students only visited Aryan outside his school and gave him chocolate to increase familiarity with my kid. I never thought that students from a reputed institution can do such crime. But someone rightly mentioned that addiction is always harmful. And their drug addiction turned these future engineers into criminals.

PS: This is my entry for the 'Blogeshwar 3.0' contest.

Freedom

Pain is increasing. I see my mom walking next to my stretcher. She is telling me that everything will be alright. I am not able to bear the pain and I shout.

“Aauch… Dadi ma it’s hurting” I am 8 and my grandmother is pinching my ear for playing football with boys in my colony. She thinks I should not play outdoor games, if I fall and get marks on my body then no one will marry me.

They have changed me into an open gown and now taking me to the labour room. I am crying in pain.


I am sitting in the garden and crying. I am 14. I won gold medal in the inter school dance competition, but no one except my mom is happy about it. Dadi said I should learn cooking and stitching, only that will help me in future.


I am inside the labour room. Pain is unbearable now, I am sweating. Nurse helped me to lie down properly. Doctor is telling me to push.

I push the door with anger and entered my room. I came back from college when I heard Dadi telling my dad to start looking for my marriage. When I said I am just 18 now and I want to do my graduation first, she yelled at me. I got angry and shouted that they never care about my wishes, she slapped on my face.

Nurse is wiping sweat off my face and telling me to push. I am shouting and crying with pain and the doctor telling me “Come on you can do it. Try!! ”.

“Please beta, you have to do it.”  mom is crying. I am not happy to get married at an age of 19. This is a forced marriage. I want to study and make my career but dad and dadi are against it. They feel girl should get married as early as possible and look after their family. Education and career is not important for them.

I never felt such pain ever in my life before. Nurse and doctor are telling me to push. I am exhausted.

I am feeling weak and very tired. Yesterday I had abortion. My mother in law and husband don’t want a daughter. They forced me for sonography and killed my baby girl against my wish before she can open her eyes in this world.

I am pushing with all the energy I have. Giving birth to a new life is like rebirth for a woman. From the time I conceived this baby my husband and mother in law tried many times to find the sex of my baby, but due to new strict rule from government against this they were not able to find it.

I am pregnant again and I am fed up with my mother in law’s prayers for a boy child. She curses me day and night for conceiving a girl child last time. Today even I lost my temper and told her to stop cursing me for that. She raised her hand to slap me but I stopped her. My husband saw all this and hit me ruthlessly. They told me not to enter their house if I give birth to a girl.

I am fully exhausted but all my pain vanished after seeing my child. I have never seen something so small and beautiful. Yes, she is my beautiful doll. My mom comes inside the room, I asked her about my husband and mother in law. As excepted they were very angry and left the hospital. My mom is crying, she is worrying about my future because my husband will not accept me now. But I am happy. I am happy to hold my daughter in my arms and I feel great to hug her. I look at her innocent face, she doesn't even know that her father is not happy with her birth. But that does not matter me anymore. For me this is the happiest moment of my life. Now I want to study further and get some job. I kiss my girl and I promise her a beautiful life. She won’t live a life full of compromises and adjustments like I lived. I will give her good education and make her independent. I will make sure that she gets all the rights to live a successful life and enjoy her freedom.




PS:  This is my entry for the ‘Blogeshwar 2.0’ contest. And guess what, I won it :D

I am what I am

“I am what I am” this is one of the common line you can see under the about me section in many profiles on facebook, Orkut and other social networking sites. Whoever writes this, to me it sounds like they don’t want to improve or change in life ever.

I don’t have any hard feelings for them, however I feel this line tells, “I am like this only, take me or leave me”. I strongly believe that we are not the same human being throughout our life. We change always, whether we notice it or we don’t. Not only physically, we change mentally and emotionally too. Our view towards life and others things changes as the life passes.

If you have a flaming nature that does not mean you should be the same throughout your life, your nature will change with time. And if you don’t want to leave things on time, try consciously to calm down yourself and with practice it will become your nature.

It is good to be what we are and we should not pretend for pleasing others. However if we have any negative quality or something which bothers us or our success, we should try to get rid of it rather than accepting it as our never changing attitude.

I never said that I am perfect, but it always bothers me to see people who don’t want to improve. If some time you want to give them any advice because you consider them as your friend and you wish all well for them, they react saying “I am like this only”. You are not living in an isolated land. You are the part of this society. If you bind your self within your limitations, you will never move forward.

I have a friend who used to get depressed for every small thing. Sometimes she used to blow her mind for some not so important stuff. She could have just been the same, and allowed people to hate her for this silly attitude of her. She could have let this one negative side of her to overshadow all her positive qualities. However my friend chose the other way. She started analyzing her mood swings. She started reading good motivational books. With her efforts and time she improved a lot. Today she is a positive and self motivated person.

So the point is this that we can improve our self if we want to. People say "I am what I am" however I would say "You are what you wanted to be". Only we have the biggest control on ourselves. We should not shut all the doors for positive changes and give an arrogant look to others. We are the masters of our life. Always be ready to learn lessons from every big and small thing in life. Pick the pearl leave the shell. Always be ready to welcome improvements in life. Do not shut the door to your success by saying “I am what I am”.

She is Human

As I said before, my idiot box makes my room lively. That only gives me company for dinner. Last week while having dinner I saw new daily soap on Sony entertainment television. This serial revolves around a girl, whose family is trying to arrange her marriage. The plot is very much similar to many other serials on air, but that one episode which I saw that night made me think over it.

In that episode, this girl and her family went to a restaurant to meet one prospective groom’s family. After staring at the girl for half an hour boy’s mom took her inside the restroom, as she wanted to check that the girl don’t have any mark on her body. That is embarrassing for any girl and so it was for her. Girl started crying, to which our prospective groom’s mom said “मैं तो आलू भी दस बार जाँच कर खरीदती हूँ | फिर ये तो मेरे बेटे की शादी का सवाल है |” (I even check potato ten times before buying, then this is the question my son's wedding) . And in next episode, boy’s mom took the girl to a gynaecologist for checking her fertility.

“What a piece of crap this is.” I said to myself after watching this. You may also feel the same. Some of you may ask, is this story from some other era. To our surprise, this story is of this era only, and in many small towns in India this is how girls are made to give tests for getting married.

No need to go too far, I know a real life example for the same. This is what happened with one of my friend, when she went to meet the prospective groom’s mom and dad with her family. The guy’s father made her read a book loudly, for checking her reading skills. Damn! She is working with one of India’s largest IT firm, how you can doubt on her reading skills. That was not all. Guy’s mom gave my friend a booklet and asked her to read the digits written on it. To my surprise, that booklet was for color blindness check. I felt so sorry for my friend when I heard this incident. I wonder, this lady wants a life-partner for her son or she is looking for a pilot for their private jet. This was really embarrassing. I must say my friend behaved very patiently, whereas I would have left the place then and there if these tests were conducted over me.

I understand very well that marriage is a lifelong bond. In arranged marriage we cannot trust any stranger that easily, so we check things through our known people. In current time when cheating and fraud rates are so high, it is difficult to believe anyone. Still, this kind of checking is insulting. Because she is a girl, that does not give anyone the authority to treat her like vegetables.

What if the girl’s family also want to know guy’s fertility, make him walk to check that his legs are alright or not, or if they ask the guy to give color blindness test. It will be insulting for him too. He may raise his voice or will reject the girl, as her parents treated him badly. Then why don’t the girls raise their voice against this inhuman behavior and insult.

Time is changing, females are financially independent now. But still they are silently accepting all this insult, as in Indian society from childhood girls are trained to accept such insults and adjust in any situation.

Marriage is the bond of trust. If we don’t trust people and keep checking them, it gives them the feeling of distrust and makes the bond weaker in the beginning itself. We need to trust people to get trusted in return. I would request all the prospective groom’s families, that check things and satisfy yourself as it is the biggest decision in life, but don’t hurt others ego and confidence. You are not in a vegetable market shopping for potato or onion. You are dealing with a girl. Treat her with humanity, as she is also a human.

Bitiya

Happy woman’s day to you all. I am not a feminist though, but I feel blessed to be born as a girl. On women’s day we are celebrating the economic, political and social achievements of women, praising the womanhood. Here we are praising the girl power but somewhere we can hear a girl's pleading to god saying “aagle janam mohe bitiya na kijo”, as she does not want to get killed again without even opening her eyes in this world. A girl, who can become our next president or prime minister, can win medals for India in Olympics, can bring the bookers award to our country, and can change many lives in a better way is not getting the chance to see this beautiful world just because of being a girl.

Yes I am talking about girl’s fetal death in India. Finding out the sex of the child by sonography is illegal in our country, still people do this. Now also there are families who celebrate on a boy's birth and mourn on a girl's birth. They feel having a daughter is a burden. Social stigmas like dowry, illiteracy, sexism etc adds to the acceptance of this.

Today in each and every field girls are performing equal to the guys, sometimes much better than them. As a mother, sister, friend, lover, wife, daughter she makes each day of our life special. Have you ever thought why god gave the power of giving birth to new life only to women? When god himself made her so special, why everyone is not ready to accept it? In India where woman is worshiped as Devi, fetal death of girl child is a real disgrace of humanity.

Today there are 927 female/1000 males in India, and the number is decreasing day by day. These are not just numbers, but the sign of bigger problems coming our way. On the celebration of womanhood, I request all women to save the woman clan. And all the men please stand up against fetal death of girl child. We all need to work together for strengthening the Indian woman, So that no girl ever says “aagle janam mohe bitiya na kijo”.

The World of Reality

Living far from family at a new place, new environment is the story of every young professional these days. I am not doing any out the world job by staying in Bangalore, 1834 Km away from my loved ones. Yes being a north Indian it was difficult for me to adjust to the different food (some vegetables I am still trying to figure out what they are), language, culture, weather and many more in the beginning and I feel that’s the reason India is called a versatile country. Anyways I will put light on our country's versatility some other time :D . Now I want to take your attention to the Idiot Box, the Television or say the TV Set.

For someone like me Television is the best friend after long day at office. The moment I enter my room the first thing I do is to switch on the TV and then do all my work... It makes the room lively :) . But now days on all the channels I get overdose of reality shows. Which brings this thought in my mind…"Is Reality losing its real meaning”. How can I differentiate between real and fake in today’s world?

In Television Industry the word is TRP (Television Rating Point), which decides the future of any show on Air. “Jo Bikta hai woh Dikhta hai” and that’s why Reality shows are the hottest pick of all channels now days. Apparently I think MTV Rodies was the 1st Indian Reality show which became the most popular one. Today every teenager wants to make it to rodies. Those idiotic boys and dumb girls using F*** words all the time come on the show are the role models for many college goings. Archies gallery has started a new Rodies merchandise range as they know that all this 'wanna be Rodies' will love them and without a second thought they will put their parent's hard earned money on them. But that’s not all, today if you open the television you will find reality entertainment for all kind of people.

Now MTV has less music & more Reality shows like Splitsvilla –Where love is war (It has to be war only when your girlfriend or boyfriend is left day & night with Ten hot singles who want to get into couple by hook or crook), Making the Cut etc… . Channel V is also not far behind, is arranging blind dates on Dare to Date. I have seen a girl who first came on Dare to Date as a single and dated two guys and then in a month’s time she was again on splitsvilla as a couple with third guy, with whom she is from past one year as she claims. I must say she has a very open-minded boyfriend, in case it was all real and not for reality ;) .Not to forget the Emotional Atyachar on UTV Bindass, where you can spy on your personal relationship (Boy or Girl friend). How can someone do this on national TV to whom they say they love?

Now let’s go to the favorite entertainment channels where from Shadi to Tirthyatra everything is there. You must have heard of BIG BOSS (The Indian version of BIG BROTHER) where this B or C grade celebrities are kept together for 40 days with cameras everywhere. Do you feel they will be real with cameras watching them day and night? Fake friendship, fake smile may be the bitching is real indeed :P . When talking about Reality TV, how can we forget Rakhi ka Swayamwar . This ended with engagement and not shadi as Rakhi Sawant wanted to check there compatibility off the camera, Then why she chose to do a swayamwar on TV? The answer is its all business baby :) . But this time Rahul Mahajan is coming with Rahul Dulhaniya Le Jaega with tag line Is baar swayamwar nahi shadi. And I just don’t understand what these girls or boys are up to, why they come to do shadi on TV? Do they really want to get married? To my surprise there was one 19 year girl who came to marry 35 year old Rahul Mahajan. There was one girl saying “Rahul I love you from past 10 years”, when Rahul became a public figure only after July 2006 (his father Pramod Mahajan’s Death) how can she know him so much that she fell in love with him that time itself. This shows how real the reality TV is. Sometimes I feel that the boys & girls on such shows are dumb or maybe they are super clever and I am the fool watching them and praying some brains for them.

Oh I don’t want to miss this that now you can get tips on babysitting also from TV. The show Pati Patni or woh shows how the real chemistry of a couple comes out when a baby enters there life. I feel pathetic about the parents who gave their cute small babies to these heartless celebrities for experimenting, who use to yell on the small babies and what else can we expect from them as those couples are there for money and not for your babies.

It is quite clear that reality has nothing real but it’s a business, Business for TRP. Reality shows are the Sahrukh Khan of TV… “We can love them, we can hate them, but we can’t ignore them”. And now when we know that we can’t ignore them we better decide how much we should let it influence our life. People use them as launching pad for their career in Television, till there it’s fine. But dropping out from your college, leaving your studies and dreaming day & night to make it to Rodies is waste of your precious life. It is just a show and nothing but TRP, business and Money for the channel & producers. They take people who they feel can make the show interesting. But other than this heavy emotional drama we have some really good reality shows also like the KBC (Kaun Banega Crorepati) which improved the general knowledge of common man, India's got talent by which I came to know that India has so much talent hidden in it. So many dance forms, art forms… it was awesome. The winner of the show was “Prince Group”.



It was the group of 26 artistes, this troupe is said to be comprised of youths of poor families of menial labourers who got together to use dance as entertainment and profession. The group’s members have rural background and belong to Orissa’s backward Behrampore district. Our country has so much of talent and we only adore our film stars (sad). Mission Navy this had come on National geographic channel. Here all the tasks were of equal scale to both the genders and a girl participant went on to win an internship with the Indian navy. It showcased how rigorous is the selection process of the Indian Navy and how much physical, mental strength and the right attitude one must possess to make it there. Hats off to the Indian navy for safeguarding the Indian coast line.

This is my take on this entire reality show syndrome (No heart feeling to anyone :) ). It’s up to the smart viewers of today to judge what would be better for them. So don’t waste your life behind them. Watch them enjoy them but in limits because it is nothing but TRP for Channels and nothing but a television show for us. Mind it :D